I was once a bereaved family member. Twice actually. Once in China, once in the United States. Two different experiences but the same emotional turmoil. There is no shortcut for coping with grief. Only to make sure you give yourself time, healthy diet and plenty of rest during this trying time. One of the takeaways from my grieving is to help those who are in need. This year America is facing more deaths in the covid pandemic, claiming 500,000 lives on February 22. Experts warn that about 90,000 more deaths are likely in the next few months. So, I feel obliged to share my thoughts on grief and mental health in general with you in the lens of sustainable development.
First, it may sound trite. You are not alone. You might be feeling sadness, disbelief, anger, guilt, or numbness right now. I’ve undergone all these feelings for the loss of my parents. At times they still hit me even though the longest physical separation with my loved one is more than a decade. My parents are still in my thoughts so I can’t say we are separated spiritually. You’ll live with a sense of loss for a very long time. But the good things are as time goes by, you’ll find your purpose in life and most likely you’ll take action to pursue it. In my experience, I turned to higher education. Returning to campus to learn and meet like-minded people is the rejuvenation of my life. I’m not surprised that you’ll be able to turn your grief into a driving force to push you for a change. You’re endowed with the tremendous strength from your departed loved ones to make a better life. This strength is their spiritual support for you only. Make use of it and live like you never before.
Why do I tell you about this? Because my grief helps me better understand the fragility and resilience of humanity like never before. My loss is now translated into my gain from helping those who are in need. Your success is my success as the business world says. And our world needs you to make a fulfilling life for your wellbeing. This is the significance of sustainability—the balance of our internal and external worlds, the balance of the three pillars of sustainability (economy, society and environment), and intergenerational equity which is tightly connected with time—the time beyond your lifespan.
“That I exist is a perpetual surprise which is life.” —Rabindranath Tagore
Second, during your grieving period, your brain is undergoing transformative “rewiring” as I call it. Give yourself enough time to do nothing and feel free to release whatever emotions you have. When I was grieving, I couldn’t easily talk about my grief. Until I learned creative writing and I found writing was my way to mourn and find comfort. I also came across interesting people to whom I had never thought I’d be interested in talking. Most importantly, Mother Nature talked to me every time when I was most vulnerable.
Have you watched the movies Nomadland (2021) or Land (2021)? Both latest movies, directed by and starring women, have shown how the power of natural environment impacts humanity, in particular those who suffer from mental trauma in dealing with grief and loss. The naked relationship between humans and nature stands the test of time and is revealed in artwork, music, literature, photographs, and many other formats and mediums. During the covid months, we can’t travel to our favorite outdoor locations but on the screen, regardless of sizes, we see the magnificent sunrise on the prairie and we hear the wildlife in the woods whispering their own languages. How can we not care for our natural environment for the sake of our own mental health?
“The artist is the lover of nature; therefore he is her slave and her master.” —Rabindranath Tagore
According to the Washington-based newspaper The Hill, on a global scale, mental health and substance use needs are the single largest driver of disability costs worldwide. The post-COVID forecasts warn that the cost of treating widespread anxiety and depression will create a $1.6 trillion drag on the U.S. economy. And growing evidence has shown depression and suicide are linked to air pollution. Not to mention doomscrolling is slowly eroding our mental health. The act of a large quantity of negative online news at once is what mental health experts call “doomscrolling.” Yes, social media is helping people to stay connected during covid lockdowns and social distancing. But I have my reservation about resorting to our electronic devices for comfort and solace in the grieving process.
Last but not least, coping with grief and loss is a universal human experience. Embrace it if you are now mourning someone (including your pets) or if you’re keeping company with a bereaved member. Things will get better even beyond your imagination after you give yourself time to regroup your thoughts, re-evaluate your values and responsibilities. Perhaps you may turn to reading poetry. I find the healing power of poetry is remarkable. Poems are pithy and precise as if they are musical notes soothing the pain in our weary mind. You may also turn to your hobbies and pursue an interest that you’d want to do but never have a chance to fulfil. When I realize my creative work reflect all traces of Mother Nature and her lively friends in the sky, in the woods and under the sea, I know as voiceless as they are, they’re welcoming me to start a new lease of life.
As we overwhelmingly emphasize on building the STEM skills, we should pay equal, if not more attention, to the humanities—philosophy, social affairs and the arts. It is only through the humanities that we will increasingly recognize and build on what we humans uniquely are. In the Year of Healing, this is especially so. The humanities are helping everyone to get through tough times. Under covid lockdowns, if you were reading, having binge-watching, listening to music, drawing, playing a video game and even growing flowers and vegetables, you were fully entertained by hobbies and arts. One of the aspects of social development in sustainability is to improve access to education for all at all ages. Perhaps solutions journalism will show us more human-interest stories about improving emotional intelligence and dealing with grief.
Whether it is addiction (including romantic love), grief or loss, the power to overcome it is in your hand. In my experience, I find knowing more about neuroscience helps me to better understand the brain and its impact on behavior and cognitive functions. With the help of family and friends, I’ve walked out of my dark abyss of grief. So will you. After you find hope and the meaning of life, you will move on to make a difference for yourself and for the future generations. I do believe in the months ahead, there will be many change agents joining the community of sustainability. In closing, I’m sharing with you some verses from Rabindranath Tagore and my heartfelt blessings for you.
Where The Mind Is Without Fear By Rabindranath Tagore Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high Where knowledge is free; Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls; Where words come out from the depth of truth; Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection; Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit; Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.